Death and Innocence
In musing on events of 2009, my thoughts contain some intensity.
There was an incident a few months back where someone attempted to kill my husband, but failed. All is well now, but fallout hangs around for a while, reverberating. The sensitive human organism needs to recover from something like that.
I run through various movies in my head- what if: He hadn't been quite as strong fighting off his attacker, and the choking had succeeded? In this movie, I see myself coming home moments later to see not my shaken husband talking to police as happened, but my dead husband lying on the lawn, an immense tragedy. I see his innocence, I see the struggle of his whole life, ended by a surprise of this magnitude. Death is casual and mindless- I railed with this thought in my mind for weeks after the shock of the incident.
Death returns you to the innocence you were born with. 24 years ago I watched the death of my father from cancer, and I'm still haunted by that silence that falls after the last breath is drawn. As the silent universe embraced him, he returned to innocence. Death is silence. Death is the emptiness of space, where there is yet no room for struggles, relationships, creativity, guilt. We build all that during our precious lives, and then all returns to silence. I'm not ready for that silence to come to my loved ones.
Email this page
New Year Here In the Sphere
Submitted on January 2nd, 2010 by Lorie CavinAnn, Thank you so much for this entry. I am experiencing several emotions at once reading about the year you and your husband had in 2009. Your words have helped me keep perspective as we enter a new year. My husband's second job loss in 6 years has been difficult, but because of generous family and friends at critical moments and part-time employment, we maintain. I am grateful.
Your entry also reminds me of the wonderful resource and opportunity we have as co-publishers here in The Sphere.
Thank you, Lorie
Submitted on January 17th, 2010 by Ann CantelowI was coming here to delete this entry, thinking it didn't apply to the activist outlook of this site, and found your kind and friendly comment. Thank you, you've made my day.
I hope the economy improves in the coming year, and the job situation for your family resolves. Very best of luck with that.
The corruption in Congress is such a tremendous hurdle to all that activists are working to achieve. I wonder if Obama has plans to address that. It would be an extremely difficult thing to do, I'd say, daunting to even think about. It sure holds things back.
Glad you didn't delete, Ann
Submitted on January 17th, 2010 by Al GiordanoYour beautifully written notebook is absolutely welcome here!
Thanks, Al!
Submitted on January 19th, 2010 by Ann CantelowIt's certainly nice to get a compliment from a master.